For years the world of Azeroth has been a thorn in my side, and this is before I ever played World of Warcraft. Now that I have begun to delve into this world, it has found many new ways to drive me batty. Maybe this is due to my Uber-newb status, or maybe it is my logical brain that is nagging when things just do not quite make sense. Anyway, for the twelve or so people who have not yet played World of Warcraft I would like to offer some observations. As for the 10 million of you that enjoy this past-time please feel free to grief me to your hearts content.

 

 

Disclaimer: I have not played a Massively Multiplayer Online Role-Playing Game since the days of Asheron's Call. I have avoided using any leveling guides or other online assistance, however I have questioned our PR Manager several times. Also, I was given twenty gold early on so I cannot say much about the economy.

 

My first observation is probably one that EVERY WoW player has noticed since the beginning, monsters in this game can often live without the most basic of organs, like for example heads. Seriously, I know I killed dozens of raptors when I needed some of their heads for a quest. The thing is only about one in eight seemed to possess this elusive “head” that I needed. Maybe my graphics card is not advanced enough to show that these guys lack heads, or cannot render the fact that these raptors possess the heads of other critters in sort of a Ganesha complex.

 

Let me assume for a moment when I need certain organs from these critters I damaged them in the heat of combat. Okay, I have justified it enough to move on, or so I thought. Suddenly a guy tells me he needed the blood of three thunder lizards. Okay, I will go slaughter three of these beasts for an elusive greater good. Only problem is after the third one drops to my massive sword I am still without any blood. Now most people feel woozy or lightheaded giving blood, but these thunder lizards can walk and fight without one drop in their veins. People are too soft. Upon the defeat of the fourth beast, it's corpse possesses a vial of thunder lizard blood. So some have no blood and others are carrying it around in vials like they are Angelina Jolie and Billy Bob Thorton. Sick lizards indeed...

 

 

Secondly, I was really misled on the premise of World of Warcraft. I thought that this was a game about fighting evil and dragons, generally saving the unwashed masses type stuff. Really, this is a game about crafting and cooking. Seriously, I could care less about most of the story, but as soon as I see a new cooking ingredient you best watch out. I do not know why I am killing mutated turtles in a secluded oasis, but as long as they are carrying clams sign me up.

 

A problem with this passion for crafting bits is they are bright stupidity beacons. Much like the sirens that sang many sailors to their demise, the lure of a mineral node on my map has been the quickest path to a corpse run. Why does everything want me dead? I just came for the copper vein. They will even place those nodes right in caves that are crawling with baddies. I think each node is a cunningly placed cruel joke by the developers.

 

I believe gathering a group of players into a party is the best example of ADD available to the known world. I have never seen more inability to carry on the most basic of actions as I have witnessed the few times I have attempted to join a group of players. Working towards the common good only seems to go as far as making sure you can save your own skin. I think the term “party” in World of Warcraft actually translates to “group of people using one another”.

 

 

All of this using and abusing of one another is assuming you can actually get the group to act cohesively enough to get where you are going. Most of the time people drop from the group faster than disconnecting a telemarketer. What happened in thirty seconds that suddenly made that group not possible? Like starting to cook and while the oven is preheating you decide, “man this is taking for ever, so you start another recipe that also requires preheating the oven all over again”. More time is sunk attempting to get a group than all the corpse runs in Azeroth.

 

Well I am still only level twenty-one, hopefully I will soon become jaded as all the seasoned players and not notice all of the quirks. That or at least I will learn to deal with them. If all else fails it seems that becoming a douche bag is an acceptable option in the land of Azeroth, but only after level sixty.